Last Updated on August 23, 2021.
It’s not easy to admit that you are a narcissistic mother. It’s even worse when you’re not sure if you are one or not. You might be thinking, “I’ve just had some bad luck with my kids.” That is until the day comes that your child realizes what type of person they have been living with for all these years and starts telling stories about how awful it was. If you’re worried that you’re a narcissistic mother, take the test!
What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is a person who has an inflated sense of their own self-importance, power, and attractiveness. They believe they are better than everyone else and deserve to be admired by others. There is no such thing as constructive criticism for a narcissist – anything that’s said will always be interpreted in the worst possible way.
The narcissistic mother believes they are always right and everyone else is wrong. The narcissistic mother will never apologize for anything they do to their child, but would instead expect the kid to endlessly be grateful that she’s even alive because of how much worse it could have been if someone else were in charge. It can be hard for a narcissist to take responsibility for anything and even when they do, it’s not an apology.
Narcissists can’t see the truth in other people because their own thoughts are so loud and all-consuming that they don’t have room to notice how someone else thinks or feels. They’re always trying to control what you think of them by telling you what to think about them.
The children of narcissists really struggle. They will always be trying to please the narcissist and get their love, attention, validation, and approval. It leaves children feeling unworthy of anything good in life because they’re just not good enough for the narcissistic mother.
Children who have narcissist mothers tend to struggle with:
- Being a people-pleaser
- Academic performance
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Difficulty making friends
- Difficulty expressing or handling emotions
- Feelings of shame or guilt
- Low self-esteem and trust issues
15 Signs of Narcissism – The Narcissistic Mother Test
Are you guilty of these signs of narcissism? This is your narcissistic mother test! See how many of these characteristics you have.
1. Trying to control kids through codependency.
Narcissist moms will control kids through codependency. In other words, they’ll be sure to do everything for their child and never allow them to do anything on their own. The narcissist will have the need to take care of her children because they are not capable of taking care of themselves or anyone else, but this is just a ploy so that she can control all aspects of their lives.
2. Using the Silent Treatment.
Narcissists often use the silent treatment because they’re always trying to get the upper hand and it’s a way for them to control everything around them. Narcissists use this tactic when they need their child to do something or if they feel that someone has wronged her in any way, shape, or form.
3. Getting Even
Revenge is another tactic of narcissists. They feel the need to get even with somebody who has wronged them in any way. They can never let anything go or forgive someone because they have a strong sense of entitlement and it’s all about what they want, not anybody else.
Narcissists are insanely jealous. They are so jealous that they often create drama to make sure they’re the center of attention. They also have a need for power and control, which is why jealousy is such an important part of their lives as well.
5. Guilt Trips.
Getting their way is always a priority for narcissists, so they will often put their children through guilt trips to make sure that’s what happens.
Because they think they are the best, everything turns into a competitor for a narcissist. Some people even call them “one-uppers” because they always have a better story or a better idea to share.
7. Little To No Empathy.
Narcissists lack empathy. They are unable to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and care about how they feel or what their needs might be.
8. Plays Favorites.
Narcissist moms play favorites. It’s a strategy to make sure they get what they want.
Gaslighting is an infamous narcissistic strategy to control people. It’s when they will try to convince you that something didn’t happen or when they will change the story of what happened and make it different from reality.
A great word to describe narcissists is reactionary. In other words, they react to everything, but they never take the time to think about what’s best for themselves or anyone else. That’s because all narcissists ever do is focus on what will make them happy at that moment, with no regard for anyone else.
11. They are Never Wrong.
Narcissists are never wrong about anything. They really believe that they’re always in the right and everyone else is at fault or needs to take responsibility for what has happened.
12. Different Public Vs. Private Personas
Narcissists often have different personas whether you’re dealing with them privately or out in public. It’s an interesting phenomenon and it’s a way for them to always be the center of attention.
13. Uses/Lives Through One’s Child
Controlling children is a way for a narcissistic mother to relive her own life. They might force kids into playing a specific sport or attending a specific school. They will coerce their children to be all things that the narcissist aspires to be, but for some reason never got a chance.
A narcissist might try to marginalize or trivialize their children’s beliefs, feelings, or accomplishments. Again, it’s a strategy to take their child out of the limelight and focus on themselves.
Narcissist mothers tend to neglect the needs of their children, especially their emotional needs. They tend to focus on their own well-being, and their children get moved to the back burner.
How to Avoid Toxic Narcissism
Narcissists are toxic and they can have an impact on your life in more ways than one. In fact, some research states that about 30% of children raised by narcissistic parents develop also developed a narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic mothers negatively impact their child’s mental health because the mother is responsible for providing all emotional needs to the child. So it’s important to end the cycle of narcissism ASAP.
If there’s a narcissist in your life, you need to address it immediately (especially if it’s your mother). Have a real conversation with her and ask her to get help.
If you’re a narcissist, seek help from a professional. You can absolutely change your narcissistic ways with time, patience and practice.
Narcissists can get help. Seek out a professional therapist who specializes in NPD.
It’s important to note: narcissism is a leading cause of parental divorce or parental abandonment (when children cut ties with their parents).
The Bottom Line
Did you pass the narcissistic mother test? Narcissistic moms can be controlling, abusive, vicious manipulators who drain their children’s self-esteem so much with verbal attacks and comparisons that kids end up feeling like there is no way out. Narcissists can get help from professionals.
What You Should Do Next…
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