why are my parents so strict

Why are my parents so strict? 8 signs you need to speak up (2021)

Last Updated on June 30, 2022.

You might be feeling like your parents are too strict. They might not allow you to do anything and it can feel like they don’t care about what happens in your life. But why is this? Parenting styles vary by parent and also change over time as the child grows up. This article will offer some insight into why parents become so strict and how to talk to them about it!

Signs Your Parents are Too Strict

Here are 8 tell-tale signs your parents are too strict. If you’re experiencing several of these, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart with your parents.

Your Parents Dish Out Extreme Consequences

Have you ever been grounded for the rest of the year? or had all your electronics taken away for a month? If your parents only have extreme consequences for even the smallest infractions, it’s time to talk. What started as a way of teaching you responsibility can quickly turn into something much more serious and damaging to your relationship if they don’t realize how their actions are affecting you.

Parents have unrealistic expectations

You might feel like you can never do anything right. Your parents may expect perfection from you, but no one is perfect! They’ll be disappointed if your grades don’t go up or if they find out about an argument with a friend. Parents who have unrealistic expectations will always have something to complain and criticize about, which can leave teens feeling down.

You aren’t allowed to make decisions about your personal appearance

Parents may not allow you to wear makeup or new clothes, and they might insist on always picking out your outfits. They want input on your haircut and only allow you to buy red nail polish. Parents who are overbearing about their child’s physical appearance are not respecting their child’s personal choice. They care more about what other people think than what you want, and they may be trying to protect you from the world in an unhealthy way.

Your parents give orders with no opportunity for feedback

Do you feel like your parents are always telling you what to do without asking for input? They might not take the time to listen when you need a break. If they’re only interested in making sure that their own agenda is carried out, this can be very frustrating and lead to resentment on both sides.

You aren’t allowed to go anywhere with other children

If you want to hang out with your friends but can’t because of parental restrictions like this, it’s time for a family meeting. It may be that they don’t trust the people in question or are concerned about what will happen if you get into trouble – whatever the reason, these rules need to be reconsidered.

RELATED: How to tell if your parents hate you – 5 Questions to Ask Yourself

You’re afraid to make a mistake

If you have the constant fear of making mistakes, something is wrong. You’re human, you’re allowed to make mistakes, and your parents should be there to guide and support you. If you’re afraid of making a mistake, it might be time to talk about why this is happening and what can be done.

You are required to play the same sport or join the same activities as your parents

Your parents might be trying to live vicariously through you. They want to keep you close and involved in their life. Sometimes this means that they might push you into playing the same sport or joining the same activities, even if it’s not what you really want. It can feel like your parents don’t respect what interests are yours – which is why it’s important to have a conversation about their involvement in your activity choices.

You have no downtime or alone time

This is a huge red flag. If your parents are always making sure that you’re occupied and never have any time for yourself, then this could be why they’re so strict with everything else too. They might not know how to deal with idle hands or think it’s better if you stay busy – but the truth is there’s nothing wrong with taking a break. Over-scheduling can do more harm than good.

RELATED: How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend

why are my parents so strict
why are my parents so strict

How to Deal with Strict Parents – The 4 D’s

So what do you do if your parents are too strict? Here’s a simple 4 step process to gaining more freedom from your parents.

Document your grievances

Write down all the overbearing things your parents do. It’s important to get specific. Your parents might try to downplay the amount of control they are exerting over you, but if you have specific examples, it will be easier to push back.

RELATED: Why is my mom so mean?

Determine your goals

What do you hope to gain from a conversation with your parents? What kind of freedom do you want? Again, it’s important to be specific, and you won’t get what you want if you can’t articulate why.

Discuss with your parents

It’s time for a tough conversation with your parents. It’s important to remain calm and articulate your points clearly. And it’s also important to listen to your parent’s perspectives. They might have their own reasons why they’re being strict.

Decide what you can live with and what compromises are worth it to you. It’s important that your goals don’t become unrealistic, or the conversation will be fruitless.

RELATED: Help! My parents never listen to me. What can I do?

Develop a Plan for more independence

Together, come up with a plan for you to gain more independence. Most likely this will be a compromise – something between what you want and your parents want.

Remember, it’s ok to start small. Take any additional freedom they’re willing to give you. Then prove to them that you’re capable. Once you’ve demonstrated your ability to handle more independence, you can come back to the table and discuss more ways you can be more independent.

The Bottom Line

Strict parents usually have your best interest in mind. But if they’re not listening to you or understanding why their restrictions are hurting you, it might be time for a conversation. You deserve respect and freedom too – so don’t let your parents control everything about your life.

What You Should Do Next…

1. Snag Our Connected Parent Challenge

Are you ready for more activities to build a rock-solid bond with your kids? Try our Connected Parent Challenge! It’s 15 Days of 15 Minute activities that are sure to improve your connection, diminish bad behavior, and create lasting memories. Plus, I’ll deliver more amazing parenting strategies to your inbox weekly (don’t worry, unsubscribe any time!).

2. Join Our Free Online Community

Connect with like-minded moms (and dads!) in our free online community. You’ll find a plethora of resources to help you through your parenting challenges. Plus, you’ll find me there! And I’d love to connect.

3. Take a Free 60-Minute Parenting Webinar

Do you need actionable strategies right now? Register for this free 60-minute webinar titled How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling or Losing Control. You’ll walk away with parent-tested tactics to get your kids to listen starting today.

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